You had a miscarriage, wait…no you didn’t.

By August 31, 2021 September 2nd, 2021 Article

There are a few things that might come to mind when you think about the month of February. Groundhogs Day, Valentine’s Day, Black History Month, or it being the shortest month out of the year.

When I think about February, the first thing that comes to mind is my birthday of course! February 3rd if you want to jot that down to get me a gift *wink wink*. I also think about the four things mentioned above, and there are a few other family members’ birthdays as well. So, that month is always memorable and special for me, but let me tell you, February 14, 2021 hit me like a ton of bricks! If you’re wondering was it because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the answer is actually no. If you think it’s Valentine’s Day, nope! This particular February, my boyfriend took me on a Valentine’s weekend trip to Virginia Beach. Something personally was strange though because my “monthly visitor” hadn’t made her appearance. Once we got closer to the hotel, we stopped at CVS and I grabbed some weekend toiletries, a box of feminine products and also a pregnancy test. I’m sure the cashier was thinking to herself “What in the world is wrong with this lady?!”, but I needed to make sure I had all my bases covered because I knew there were only 2 reasons why “my visitor” hadn’t shown up.

After CVS, my boyfriend dropped me off at the hotel and he went to grab dinner. My bladder was full, so I figured, let me go pee on this stick. The plan was to wait for him to get back so we could look at the results together, but I was so eager, I looked and it had 2 lines! My boyfriend got back about 10 minutes later (I quickly said to myself, girl you are so impatient you should have waited for that man). I let him know I took the test and he went to look at the results and saw it was positive. We cried, laughed and made the best of the rest of our trip and headed home a few days later.

A turn for the worse

That following week was the turn of events. I started spotting, then had intense cramps, and ultimately I had some severe bleeding and clotting. I went to the ER where they confirmed I was pregnant through bloodwork, but also were treating me as a “threatened miscarriage” patient. They did an ultrasound and determined there was nothing inside of me and advised that I followup with my doctor for a repeat blood test. The ER doctor explained that if my blood test continued to show an increase in hcG levels (which is the pregnancy hormone), then I am indeed still pregnant, but if the numbers are going down, that is an indication of a miscarriage.

Two days later after the ER visit, I saw my doctor. The bloodwork with her showed that my pregnancy hormone/hcG levels were going down. My doctor told me to come back in 2 weeks for another blood test. Two weeks later I went back, and my hcG level was down to 0. I was told, the outcome of all of the bloodwork results confirmed that I had a miscarriage. I was sad and went through a ton of emotions, but ultimately came to terms that this was just meant to be.

My doctor told me it could take up to 8 weeks for my cycle to return, so I carried on with life the best that I could. April rolls around, no cycle. May…nothing. June…not a cycle in sight. I honestly thought I was going through early menopause. I was gaining weight and dieting, but still looked and felt bloated. I got to the end of June, which put me at 12 weeks of no cycle since the miscarriage and ended up contacting my doctor because I was concerned. They had me take a home pregnancy test to determine if my missed cycle was because of pregnancy or something else. One thing I didn’t mention earlier was that after the news about the miscarriage, my boyfriend and I made a decision to become celibate, so I knew there was no way that I could be pregnant. I took the test while the receptionist was on the phone and after 3 minutes, she came back on the line.

“Ma’am, did you get the results of the pregnancy test?”

“Yes. Yes…I did. It has 2 lines, which is saying I’m pregnant???”

The receptionist on the line scheduled me for my appointment that following week. I saw my doctor, but it’s an office that doesn’t have an in-house ultrasound department, so they sent me to a radiology company in another building. These moments felt like I was on another planet, because I was just in shock that I had a positive test. What had my brain going 100 mph was me not knowing how I got pregnant or when, because again…my boyfriend and I were not “doing the do!”

The day that changed it all

As I laid on the ultrasound exam table, I couldn’t help but notice the technicians face. It was a confused face as she was looking at the screen. The exam room didn’t have a large screen that I could look at, so I was literally starring at her the entire time as she was clicking away. After about 5 minutes of her exam, she asked me “Have you been feeling anything in your belly?” I told her not really, but mentioned to her that I had been having a lot more gas then normal. She told me, “Ma’am. That’s not gas. You’re 5 months pregnant.”

I told her there’s no way. because I had a miscarriage 5 months ago. She turned her screen around and showed me the baby inside of me. By this time, I had my boyfriend on FaceTime, and just as I was, he was in shock too. So many thoughts were going through my head. “What about the miscarriage?” … “I only have 4 months to plan!” … “We talked about kids, but after marriage!” … “I already have a set of twins with disabilities, how is the babies health!?”

My mind was racing, but I quickly had to calm down because I was carrying a life that felt everything I felt.

February 14, 2021 was memorable, but there was a new date that trumped that one. July 9, 2021. The day I found out I was 5 months pregnant.

The story only gets more interesting. Leave a comment and join my email list so you can follow me along this journey as I share it with you.